Kamen Rider Exhaust
by Djhago12
Summary: Fitzgerald Hammingway, a Twenty-one-year-old deadbeat, after getting kicked out of his mother's basement decides to move in with his childhood "Friend" Vincent. Soon after moving in Fitzgerald finds himself involved with some weird happenings. /Have fun with my shitty story.


"Alright, I can do this" A scrawny Asian said standing in front of a yellow door.

This was Fitzgerald Hammingway, a twenty-one-year-old deadbeat. This pathetic excuse for a man who just arrived at a town called Goldenleaf, a relatively small town. He planned to move in with his Childhood friend Vincent. He reached the door but suddenly felt nervous about the whole situation, he'd been standing in front the door for the last 12 minutes trying to psych up to actually knock.

His ramblings were eventually cut off as the door in front of him opened up. Without warning, Fitz jumped forward and latched onto the person who opened the door. His arms sank into the person's large body. "Oh?...Vincent, you've put on some weight haven't you" The last time he saw Vincent he was relatively fit. Fitzgerald pushed away to get a better look at Vincent.

An overweight woman stood in front of him, Fitz's eyes drawn to a bald spot on the top of her head. "What….YOU HAD A SEX CHANGE!" he looked the woman up and down. " I mean I always thought you had a thing for bigger women...but man this is too much"

The woman glared at Fitz " You're not Vincent, are you?'"

He was answered with a surprisingly swift kick to the groin. He fell to his knees as the door in front of him closed "Yep. not him"

"You got the wrong door"

Fitz turned to the source of this sudden new voice as he laid there holding the family jewels. Standing to the right of him was a white male wearing a black turtleneck sweater. Curly black hair hanging in front of his eyes. The man's face seemed to stuck in an expression of extreme boredom. This man looked extremely familiar to Fitz, he only knew one person with such an extremely uninteresting appearance.

"Vincent! How long have you been standing there exactly?"

"Long enough. I see you met Griselda, though it doesn't look like you made a good impression, She's my neighbor" Fitz dusted himself off getting off the ground "Neighbor?"

Vincent pointed to the door directly to the right of the yellow door "I live over there"

After saying this Vincent turned heading to the door if his apartment and entering without saying a word. Fitz followed him in. Entering the apartment Fitz threw down what stuff he brought with him in a random direction.

"So I guess I should thank you for letting move in with you," Fitz said looking around the apartment as he walked further inside. "Yes, you should of. But that show with Griselda just now was so great I'll let it pass." Vincent said somehow coming off condescending with his monotone voice and his so far lack of facial expressions.

Fitz raised his hand to make a comeback, but couldn't think of anything so he put his hand down. He sighed, "It's been so long since I last saw you I forgot about that attitude of yours" Fitz flopped himself on the couch placed in the living room of the apartment. "Guess I can't complain though, You gave me a place to stay"

"You're free to stay as long as you like" Vincent started "As long as you don't dirty up the place, and provide me the slight entertainment that is your stupidity" Vincent sat next to Fitz on the couch. Fitz looked at Vincent. " God you are simultaneously the rudest Canadian and the best Canadian I know" Fitz put out his hand for a handshake "But that sounds like a deal I can handle"

It had been two months since Vincent let Fitzgerald move in with him.

OH, how he regretted it.

All Fitz had done nothing but lay on the couch, eat, sleep, doing his "extracurriculars". Never leave the couch except to grab something from the fridge, or plug in his phone.

It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday and Vincent WAS going to get him off the couch and get him to do something.

"Yo Gerald," Vincent said sitting on Mr. Deadbeat's feet

"What's up," Fitz said staring at the latest vlog he had found on Vid-list, his favorite Youtube ripoff [SURE PROOF BIGFOOT EXIST OMG!]

"Get a job," Vincent said his monotone voice echoing wives and mothers from around the world.

"what," Fitz said, so surprised his sentence couldn't handle a capital letter." Wha ya even mean bra, I mean, what?" the poor sap reverted to surfer speak.

"I want you to get a job, do it or I'm kicking you out. you've been lay on the couch the whole time, spreading crumbs everywhere. Both are the opposite of what he agreed. So get out and get a job!"

"Uh..aug..oh. WELL!" Fitz shoots off the couch sweating like a maniac. " Jokes on you man I've planning to get a job this whole time" he pauses " I've actually spent the last two weeks-"

"Months"

"Months, Planning out my game plan to uh...make it rich"

"Is that what you've been doing on your phone this whole time"

"Of course!" not thinking the sweaty man put forward his phone showing Vincent the Bigfoot vlog onscreen. "So you're going to find Bigfoot?" Vincent said. Looking worried Fitz looked at his phone screen and then back at Vincent.

"No... I have a much better idea" A sudden smile grew on Fitz's face "I'm going to make a blog! EASY MONEY! Point a camera at anything in the right way and It's instant money!"

"Of course" Fitz rested himself back on the couch "I still need to finish the planning phase, of course, so I gotta stay here and finish my research"

SON OF A BITCH!

Fitz sat down at a table outside a Starbucks near the edge of town. Vincent forced him to put on some clothes and pushed him out the door, the clothes being a blue plaid button-up shirt and some non-purposely ripped jeans.

Vincent said Fitz wasn't going to let him come back to the apartment till he had something done for his vlog that he had totally been planning to make. But since the vlog was a complete lie Fitz had spent the last 2 hours walking around town trying to find something to film, of course, has his luck goes he had nothing worth using. He stopped at everyone's favorite cafe thinking that he could film himself talking about the drinks and food as he ate them.

Drinking the last of his coffee he realized that he had his phone had been propped up recording him the whole time and he hadn't said a single thing.

'FUCK! SHIT! I always do this' Fitz thought to himself as he bent forward and pressed his face into the table. His thoughts weren't exactly wrong, the only reason he moved in with Vincent in the first place was that he was kicked out of his last place. The people he lived with didn't exactly enjoy him spending his whole time their playing games and never leaving the couch.

"There's no point in staying here" Admitting defeat Fitz decided to get up and walk forward looking down at his phone. He was going to just stop with the whole blog thing and actually get a job. Finally set on this goal he looked up from his phone.

...

Looking up Fitz realized something. He was in the middle of a forest. He was at the edge of town before and must have just walked out of town during his inner monologue.

Fitz had been walking through his forest for two years, or at least he thought so, it had only been 10 minutes. "God, WHERE'S THE EXIT" Fitz dropped to his knees tired of walking. While he was wallowing in his own self-pity an object fell from above and hit him on the top of his head. "Ow," the object that had hit his head fell in front of him. Wondering what it was he picked up the black object. It felt weird and cold, pieces of it flaked off as if it was burnt when he picked it up, the object was decently large. It had four long protrusions coming from the top of it, there were also multiple creases along the four protrusions as if it could be bent. On the side, it looked like something had been broken off

It took Fitz a bit too long to realize what it was. "A HAND!" He explained to no one has he threw the hand away from him, backing up against the tree next to him. 'Oh gosh, this ca-' his thoughts were suddenly cut off as a large mass fell right in front of him.

When the mass it the ground it shattered as if it was made of glass or frozen, some pieces flew in his face. The size of the mass made Fitz realize something, that was the rest of the body the body that hand came from. This sudden change in tone left him speechless, what the heck was even happening.

'The body parts had fallen from above right? Are there more?' His breathing getting heavier Fitz looked at the branches above him. Nothing was there.

"Oh, thank goodness" Fitz held his chest, trying to calm himself. Now he just needs to get up and tell the police about the body he found, and maybe apply for a job at Starbucks or something. Honestly, he didn't know what he expected to see up there, a monster or something?

Fitz looked back down in front of him. Inches from his face was...something, it's skin was black, Fitz couldn't really tell anything more about it since it was so close to his face. Fitz rightfully scared, attempted to run away from whatever the thing was. He managed to trip over nothing, however, falling on the leaf-covered grass. flipping himself over on the ground, he looked at whatever this "thing" was. It had the general shape of a human but its proportions and features were off. It wore no clothes, It's the whole body was seemingly made of what looked like black wires wrapping around itself to make its shape. Whatever it was it turned to Fitz and started walking towards him. It walked dragging its arms across the ground, They were so long. The arms ended in a hand with awkwardly long and sharp fingers.

Fitz was frozen as the monster dragged itself over him. It placed its overly large hands on each side of Fitz's head, bringing its own head closer. It didn't have a face, no mouth, no nose, and instead of eyes it had holes with a few of its "wires" going over it. The monster did breathe every time it exhaled smoke came out of its eyes, though it somehow was still able to use them to see. As it brought its face closer the bottom of its face stretched, "wires" ripping showing that it did have a mouth. Afraid it was going to eat him Fitz turned his head away from it so he didn't have to see it as it does so. Its mouth grew wider as a liquid dripped out of its mouth landing on the side of Fitz's head burning off the hair that was on that spot of his head. Fitz was about to scream as he knew it was about to do something to him.

But nothing happened. He opened his eyes he had closed in his fright and turned his head to the monster. He had stopped moving. "Wha.." Looking down to its neck Fitz noticed it had something stabbed into the side of it.

The monster was suddenly pulled back off of Fitz. Fitz took this chance to get up and run in the opposite direction of the monster stopping and hiding behind a tree.

Now peeking from behind the tree Fitz saw what had pulled the monster off of him. It looked like a man in a suit, not a business suit, but a spandex suit, it was completely white. It was covered in armor. The shoulders had what looked like pipes coming off of it. Its helmet had a black screen or maybe a visor. And two pipes coming off the side of the helmet.

The one in White pulled out what was in the monster's neck, it was a red axe a stake extending out from the bottom, the stake being the part that was in the monster's neck. The White Suit Threw the monster behind him and hanged the axe on the side of the belt he had on, the stake retracting into the axe when he did it. "What in the world?" Fitz did what any reasonable person would do in this situation. He pulled out his phone and started filming.

The Monster and the man in White circled each other, waiting for each other to do something. Tired of waiting The monster planted it's feet and screamed towards the sky, it's body bursting into flames, paradoxically causing the surrounding area to feel colder. The Monster rushed at the man in white swinging its long arms at him. The man ran forward ducking under its first swing and punching it in the face. This didn't do much to the monster as it turned back to the man and stabbed him in the side of his stomach, screaming right in his face right after stabbing him.

The man in white seemed more annoyed than anything. "Tch" he grabbed the Axe from his side and slammed it down on the monster's wrist cutting off its hand. The man kicked the monster back. The monster stumbling back onto the ground. The Man pulled the hand out of his stomach and threw it to the side.

Was this guy even human he just got stabbed and barely even reacted. The Man walked towards the monster grabbing a handle that was on the belt he was wearing, he pulled it, it moved along a track to the side of his waist. The fire Covering the monster started to move towards the man flowing into his belt, the man let go of the handle on the belt as a robot voice said [CHARGE 20]

The monster backed away as the man's suit change color, the suit turning red. More pipes folded out over the man's helmet and Large white lights appearing on the helmet where a person's eyes would be. The Monster Screamed as it managed to get off the ground and charge at its opponent. The man slammed his axe into the Monster's head before it could attack him. He then kicked the monster back again pulling his axe out as he did so. The monster fell back into a tree. The man sprinted forward and slammed his axe into the front of Monster's neck. The monster somehow survived this and continued to scream at the Man. Having enough of this the Man punched the axe pushing it completely through the Monster's Neck.

The Man in the Suit picked up the Body of the monster and it's head and walked away into the forest.

Fitzgerald pressed stop on his phone's camera after seeing that. He slid down the tree he was hiding behind. "THE HELL WAS THAT!"


End file.
